New Years Day Road-Trip!

I was suffering terribly from Cabin Fever. The Christmas stuff was down... I wasn't the least bit hung over from New Years Eve (which means I went to bed early... bummer!)... I needed to GET OUT... so Chelsea, Scott, Brayden, Joe & I headed to SAN FRANCISCO!

Joe grew up in SF so was the perfect guide. We didn't do all the touristy stuff but instead went to some places in Golden Gate Park that I've never been to (Stowe Lake). We also drove through the "Avenues" where he lived as a child. Rich didn't live far from there... 41st & Judah.

We walked around Baker Beach a bit, drove by Ocean Beach then to the other side of the GG Bridge to Fort Point (at the base of the bridge).

Then we headed to Sausalito and places north!

Took this out the sunroof!

It was a great day... wound up driving along the coast for a while, went inland and ended up at a great Italian Restaurant in San Rafael. It was just what I needed!

Here's to a GREAT 2008!!!

Halloween 2007

Scott: Dr. Blood! Alex: Cute Dragon!

Chelsea and friends... are they even IN costumes? LOL

Mom Update

Mom & Ken @ Scott's 10th Birthday Dinner

I'm happy to report that Mom came through the 7+ hour surgery really well. Doc Brian assured me he took great care in getting a nice, clean margin this time. We really don't want to do this again. Recovery was a pain for sure... she had a tube than ran through her nose and into her stomach where she received Ensure type of liquids for the first week or so (she HATED that thing). She also had 2 drains that came out of her neck where her lymph nodes were removed. Her tongue was tethered to her teeth for a while to ensure the skin graft would take (didn't want it flopping around!). She was such a TROOPER!

She's pretty well healed now but is still struggling with her speech a bit and swallowing too. She's supposed to get into Kaiser for speech therapy next month (she wishes it was sooner but that's ok!).

A BIG "Thank You" to everyone for their prayers and support. It has meant so much to all of us. I will continue to post updates!

((HUGS))
Beth

Say a Prayer for my Mom

My mom with the 4 of us kids!

My Mom goes back for more surgery this coming week. It’s been 6 years since she was originally diagnosed with tongue cancer but a recent biopsy showed new cancer cells. She's been through BRUTAL radiation once before so even if she wanted it again, it's not an option. They're going to remove the cells (more tongue and part of the bottom of her mouth way in the back)... and a big margin (the margin last time was not enough they said), then they'll also take out her lymph nodes on that side (they call it a neck dissection). She had a PET scan a week ago to see if cells showed up anywhere else but her doc in was out of town this past week so we don't know the results. Removing the lymph nodes, even if no cells are there, is a preventative. It's a gateway to the body, especially from her mouth.

She's scared... hell, we all are. Surgery will be 6 hrs, maybe longer. They will be biopsying areas around it as they go, to check for other possible cells. My sis Barb from Oregon comes in on Wed. I pick her up from the Sacramento airport after Mom's pre-op appt. Surgery is Thursday.

This situation is compounded by the fact that she JUST lost her sister to cancer. My mom spent a month with her (in IL) helping her through some radiation but my aunt’s cancer was more advanced and had spread quickly. Hers started as ovarian cancer 2 yrs ago. It had gone to her brain, spinal cord, stomach, colon, and lungs within the last month of her life. My mom was glad to have had that time with her but it was supposed to have been just to help her get to/from appts. She didn't realize it was to say good bye. All along I was so worried about what toll it was taking on my mom. She had to be there for her sis, that wasn't up for discussion, but we were all worried.

We'd sure appreciate prayers for my Mom, Susan!
Thanks!
Beth

Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!

(I received this via email today)

READ THIS VERY SLOWLY... IT'S PRETTY PROFOUND.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain' And my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained.

We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply? When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say 'Hi'?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

It's National Friendship and FAMILY WEEK Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND.

To those I have sent this to... I cherish our friendship and appreciate all you do.

'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!'

Family Meeting, continued...

We turned off the TV which gave an immediate sense of seriousness! [Dun-Dun-Dun] I handed the kids a cover page/agenda that addressed all the topics for the meeting. Also in their packet was my newly delegated chore lists, a calendar with "cleaning events" for July noted and a place to mark-off exercise, and finally a pencil for notes! They looked at each other like I was crazy! (I thought about doing it in a Slide Show Presentation... maybe next meeting!)

First topic: HOUSECLEANING. I started off slowly, explaining that our pal Elvia was no longer coming every other Tuesday to clean the house. You would have thought I was telling them that we were being evicted! A concerned "BUT WHY MOM? What are we going to do NOW?". I simply said that it was time WE took care of the house. It went over pretty well. I pointed out what chores had been added to their existing to-do lists. I reflected back on how great it felt to work together to get the garage cleaned out. And I couldn't leave that topic without a stroll down my childhood "chore-lane" and all the responsibilities I had. It was frightening how much I was sounding like my Dad! I had to keep it short before they tuned me out! The biggest challenge here will be not expecting perfection from them. I know the job I would do and I know what Elvia did... I just want their best effort... no half-assed work!

Next topic: OUR HEALTH. Making smarter food choices went over so-so. I will have to show them that healthier choices doesn't mean living on carrots and rice cakes. I have to show MYSELF for that matter. I need some good, quick recipes for meals (that don't have a ton of exotic ingredients) that my kids will eat. That is my next mission. As for the exercise, we went around the room (the 3 of us! LOL) making suggestions for ways we can get moving. We have a pool for heaven's sake! That's #1 right now while the weather is so nice. We have a basketball net out front. We all have bikes. There's a park up the street. And we can't forget the newly rediscovered treadmill. There has actually been a few times where a line formed waiting for it! We just need to keep the momentum going! I'm working up a reward program for daily exercise. (What comes to mind is a meal out... STOP THAT BETH!)

Finally we talked about PERSONAL VALUES. We covered a lot... being honest and the consequences of lying. We talked about focusing on things we have and being grateful for them vs. complaining about what you think you need because your friend has it (mainly for Scott). We talked about how lucky we are to have such a strong network of family and friends and how to be a good friend. We had a pep-talk about them being super-successful in the upcoming school year (Scott actually started back to school last week!) by staying organized, getting homework out of the way as soon as they get home (and not whining about it) and doing your best work every day. Lastly we talked about their Dad's expectations for them and if the kind of person they are is someone he would be proud of (I know he would!).

Overall, I was pleased with the input from them... their ideas and suggestions. I think that was big... getting them involved... make them an important part of the changes, decisions and goals for our family. That's not to say that a few things were forgotten as soon as "Fairly Oddparents" was turned back on but I know some sunk in. We agreed to have a family meeting on a regular basis. (And no gavel or hammer was necessary!)

Will the Mallory family meeting PLEASE come to order?

I really could use a gavel... or maybe a sledge hammer! Just kidding [sort of].

I fired our maid today! I know... I know... why did we have one in the first place, right? She started about 3 years ago when my husband Rich was put into hospice. I am not a neat freak or anything, but I got so depressed when it felt like my house was falling apart, on top of everything else. I was working outside the house, running the online biz from home, taking care of the kids and my #1 job, of course, was support person for Rich. Housecleaning came in around 12th place. After Rich passed away (2 yrs ago) she (Elvia) felt like a member of the family... a member of the family who came to visit every couple weeks and just happened to dust and vacuum while she was here. Needless to say, topic #1 at the family meeting is the assignment of chores (or as I am calling them, "Family Member Responsibilities"). It's still NOTHING compared to my chores when I was a kid, but my kids have had more than their share of challenges to deal with in their short lives so it seemed OK to let them slide on a few things... for a while. Now... it's back to the real world. I want responsible, self-sufficient kids that will hopefully grow up to be responsible, self-sufficient adults (who will take care of their loving mother in her old age! Ha!).

Next topic for the meeting... our Health. I will probably get the most resistance on this one. I'm encouraging healthier food choices (notice I did NOT say diet!) and daily exercise. No biggie, right? So why the hell can't I do it? The three of us worked all weekend to clean out the garage. It's not perfect but it's A WHOLE LOT better. Our #1 goal was to dig out the treadmill which was buried between unused furniture, Rubbermaid after Rubbermaid of Chelsea's must-keep stuffed animals, fold-up tables, the box spring for Scott's bed (he has a bunk bed now), big bags of packing peanuts and bubble wrap, boxes full of old software boxes (and I mean REALLY old) and other treasures we discovered along the way. "EUREKA! I can see the treadmill... due-west of the bright orange toboggan!". I can proudly say that the treadmill is now set up in my room (Envision me and Chels dragging it down the hall on a dolly... It wasn't pretty!)! It has a fan aimed to blow on whoever is walking and the TV is dead-ahead. No excuses right? I realize that this will be my biggest challenge personally and I will also have a lot riding on me because of the kids. I don't want to fail. I don't want them to see me or themselves as failures. We will start off slowly with realistic goals and hope that over time we can make some serious changes in our lives. Wish us luck OK?

Also on the list for the meeting is Behavior, Integrity and Gratitude. I know... it sounds like an Oprah show, but this isn't really anything new for them. I'm always taking about this stuff but I think most of the time they hear "WA WAAA WA WAA WAA WAAA" (you know, like the teacher on the Charlie Brown shows?). I just want to reiterate the importance of doing their very best work at school every single day, treating each other like the loving family that we are (ie: not killing each other) and to count their blessings always. I've always tried to instill a "make each day count" attitude. Even I need a reminder of that sometimes. Positive behavior and thoughts attract positive energy and out-comes. Have you seen The Secret? (LOL)

I'm trying to cut corners and be more financially responsible (do you know what braces and car insurance for a teen costs?)... I'm trying to be more self-sufficient and not feel like I need man to complete me and my life (although I remain open to the possibility of finding one)... I'm just trying to set a good example for my kids.

Really... we just need a good old reconnecting and a discussion on what’s most important in our lives. Time goes by SO quickly. I never completely got the "gist" of that phrase until I had kids. I have a daughter with only 3 years of high school left. In a couple years my "baby" will be going into Jr. High. It feels like a runaway train sometimes. I don't want it to pass me by without feeling like I've done everything I can to help my kids with a few life-skills, ya know?

OK... I think I'm ready for the meeting. I have my hand-outs and calendars ready for distribution. Now where's that sledge hammer?

To be continued...

14 Minutes

I have 14 minutes before I have to walk out the door. Today is Chelsea's 15th birthday and we've invited family and friends to join us at our favorite restaurant El Camino. But before we go there we have to run by Leslie's Pool in Antioch to see if our pool sweep (named Louie) can be repaired. He has a hole on the shaft so the pressure at the bottom that actually sucks up the debris isn't very strong. Instead of a speedy "click click click click" he sounds like "cliiiiiiiiiiick......... cliiiiiiiiick........... cliiiiiiiiiick". Down to 12 minutes now. The fact that I have any time is pretty amazing. I switched the loads of laundry and folded the dry one... I gathered up dry pool towels out back and folded them... I wrapped [one of her] her gifts (the 5th season of CSI on DVD)... answered a couple phone calls... delegated the cake pick-up to my Mom (thank goodness for Mom)... washed up a couple dishes and yelled for Scott to get his bike ramp out of the middle of the street (which was run over yesterday by a neighbor so it really isn't even a ramp any more). Time management is an on-going problem for me. Having a business run from home is great but I'm not always the most disciplined of "owners". I get side tracked. (Like this BLOGGING STUFF!!!). One task leads to another. I go from processing orders, to dropping off a kid somewhere to running by the bank to pulling a couple weeds on my way in the front door to filling the dogs water to feeding the fish to answering the phone to eating a Smart Ones while catching a moment of my soaps (usually All My Children around lunch time). Am I organized? No. Do things get done? Yes. Maybe it's my system... the "Fly By The Seat of Your Pants" school of time management. What do they say... if it aint broken, don't fix it. Cool... 3 minutes left... CRAP... the dryer just buzzed (I HATE that sound).

Black & Hot Pink Hair?

Right this moment my daughter Chelsea (who will be turning 15 tomorrow) is having her hair (re) dyed black and is having Hot Pink streaks added! Is this a good thing? She thinks so.

I gave up the "cheerleader dream" years ago... she's always had her own sense of style but to be honest, I thought it would be mellowing out some by now. Certainly by the time she hit high school (she just finished her freshman year), she would be tempted to conform ever so slightly to all the "normal" kids in her class. But low and behold... every day as I drove through the parking lot to pick her up, I learned that her attire IS pretty normal!

She wears jeans with holes in them of every size and shape... most made by her. She has paperclips hanging off her pants... and safety pins (that you would think would be helping close up some of the previously mentioned holes but they're rarely anywhere near them)... and duct tape... and MY brightly colored binder clips (I probably have a stack of paper laying somewhere that is no longer being held together). Then there are the drawings, signatures and ramblings of her and her friends that are colorfully displayed all over the jeans. I swear she'd be lost without her large selection of Sharpies!

Everything special and sentimental to her hangs lovingly on the walls of her bedroom. Let's see if I can recall some of them (I'm having to work from memory because I'm not brave enough to go in there often)... A Taco Bell drink carrier that holds some of her hair accessories (she LOVES Taco Bell, but come on! LOL)... a torn pair of pants from her buddy Tyler (who evidently doesn't care to wear ripped up clothes)... the plastic "thing" (like a lamp shade) that our dog Jake had to wear so he didn't itch his infected eye (huh?)... a big (and I mean BIG... like 3-4 feet tall) cardboard banana that a friend of hers wore for a school project... Letters and artwork her friends have given her (her friends mean THE WORLD to her)... a couple Real Estate signs, you know the ones added to a normal "For Sale" sign that tell if there's a pool etc. These 2 signs say "GORGEOUS INSIDE" and "BEAUTIFUL INSIDE & OUT". I couldn't get too upset with her for "borrowing" these signs because they're her way of saying, LOOK DEEPER THAN WHATS ON THE OUTSIDE... She has one of her Dad's paintings (her Dad passed away March 2005 and she still feels very connected to him)... and TONS of photographs. Many times I've offered to redecorate her room... paint... new wallpaper... shake it up a bit... but she has always said NO THANKS because her room is special to her just the way it was.

I guess it doesn't really matter what color her hair is. Chelsea is loving and passionate. She cares deeply for her friends, for my friends, for her family and even "down & out" people she happens to meet. She's bright and creative and mature beyond her years. If a part of her self expression is to have black & hot pink hair, I can handle that. (She'd love a pierced lip or eyebrow but I do have my limits!). I love her very much just the ways she is and I would never trade her for the cheerleader type! How boring would that be?