Mom Update

Mom & Ken @ Scott's 10th Birthday Dinner

I'm happy to report that Mom came through the 7+ hour surgery really well. Doc Brian assured me he took great care in getting a nice, clean margin this time. We really don't want to do this again. Recovery was a pain for sure... she had a tube than ran through her nose and into her stomach where she received Ensure type of liquids for the first week or so (she HATED that thing). She also had 2 drains that came out of her neck where her lymph nodes were removed. Her tongue was tethered to her teeth for a while to ensure the skin graft would take (didn't want it flopping around!). She was such a TROOPER!

She's pretty well healed now but is still struggling with her speech a bit and swallowing too. She's supposed to get into Kaiser for speech therapy next month (she wishes it was sooner but that's ok!).

A BIG "Thank You" to everyone for their prayers and support. It has meant so much to all of us. I will continue to post updates!

((HUGS))
Beth

Say a Prayer for my Mom

My mom with the 4 of us kids!

My Mom goes back for more surgery this coming week. It’s been 6 years since she was originally diagnosed with tongue cancer but a recent biopsy showed new cancer cells. She's been through BRUTAL radiation once before so even if she wanted it again, it's not an option. They're going to remove the cells (more tongue and part of the bottom of her mouth way in the back)... and a big margin (the margin last time was not enough they said), then they'll also take out her lymph nodes on that side (they call it a neck dissection). She had a PET scan a week ago to see if cells showed up anywhere else but her doc in was out of town this past week so we don't know the results. Removing the lymph nodes, even if no cells are there, is a preventative. It's a gateway to the body, especially from her mouth.

She's scared... hell, we all are. Surgery will be 6 hrs, maybe longer. They will be biopsying areas around it as they go, to check for other possible cells. My sis Barb from Oregon comes in on Wed. I pick her up from the Sacramento airport after Mom's pre-op appt. Surgery is Thursday.

This situation is compounded by the fact that she JUST lost her sister to cancer. My mom spent a month with her (in IL) helping her through some radiation but my aunt’s cancer was more advanced and had spread quickly. Hers started as ovarian cancer 2 yrs ago. It had gone to her brain, spinal cord, stomach, colon, and lungs within the last month of her life. My mom was glad to have had that time with her but it was supposed to have been just to help her get to/from appts. She didn't realize it was to say good bye. All along I was so worried about what toll it was taking on my mom. She had to be there for her sis, that wasn't up for discussion, but we were all worried.

We'd sure appreciate prayers for my Mom, Susan!
Thanks!
Beth

Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!

(I received this via email today)

READ THIS VERY SLOWLY... IT'S PRETTY PROFOUND.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible.

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said , 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain' And my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because Americans cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches.. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Steve toilet-trained.

We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet.

We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list.

If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply? When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see his sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say 'Hi'?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

It's National Friendship and FAMILY WEEK Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND.

To those I have sent this to... I cherish our friendship and appreciate all you do.

'Life may not be the party we hoped for... but while we are here we might as well dance!'

Before & After

Ok... please indulge me a little more ranting about the whole Back-to-School thing. It's being mentioned this time only because of the sheer volume of paperwork that's involved and the toll it took on my desk. Now mind you, my desk was not a prize to start with.

I run several businesses from home so there are stacks of orders placed, orders pending, orders to be entered, plus one big TO-DO pile mostly of new products to follow up on...

I tend to be a team parent for one sport or another at any given time and there are files and folders for that...

And my personal bills used to sit neatly in a favorite Longaberger basket (because if they are nested in a lovely basket, the bill-paying experience won't be so ugly!) but they have somehow migrated to the "out-shelf" of my Canon printer...

And speaking of printers, I have 2... a Brother Laser for work reports, forms etc. and a Canon Photo Printer for, well, photos!

I have my all-important TV (wouldn't want to miss my ABC soaps while working!)... and my calculator and several shelving bin things, my electric stapler (would rather give up a kidney that do without that), my external back-up drive, my phone/answering machine, and a small plastic lime green crate of "crap" (misc. business cards, photos, old greeting cards, rebate coupons, an empty Starbucks gift card , web sites noted on a scrap of paper that I didn't want to loose track of, etc. etc.).

All these items are VITAL to the success of my business! [HA!]

Well toss on top of all that, about 100 pieces of paper (all colors) related to Scott and Chelsea's new year at school. Some needed to be signed. Some just kept for future reference. Some tossed. Some to be laminated (like the # to Chelsea's counselor and emails for her teachers!) and some I'm not exactly sure why I received them... something that the State of CA required we signed proving we got it. Give me a break! I reached my crap-limit (yes... I really do have one) and I got busy cleaning! I mean cleaning, dusting, monitor shining, file creating, folder swapping, cleaning!

Here's what the "Right side" of my desk looked like after being bombarded with about 10 tree's worth of paperwork from school:

"Right side" AFTER cleaning:

"Left side" BEFORE: (where the hell did that cowboy hat come from??)

"Left side" AFTER: (HUGE difference huh?)

I suppose I could look on the bright side... all those papers floating all over my desk FORCED me to dig until I found a wood surface again. I found all sorts of "treasures" such as a Birkenstock catalog I thought I had lost (LOVE my Birks!), a couple of NetFlix DVD's that I've had for probably 2 months, a water bill that was now over-due (oops... we're bathing in the pool for a couple days kids! Ha!), and the supply list for Scott's class... good thing my own office supply inventory is close to that of Staples! :-)

Now let's see how long I can keep it this way!

Back to School = Mommy needs a drink!

Scott is back in school... 4th grade. I had heard that his teacher this year was pretty strict but that wasn't a big concern. He could use some structure and motivation to stay on task (at home too for that matter!). He knew of her (we'll call her Mrs. L) and was really happy she was going to be his teacher. I kept HUSH about what I had heard... let's keep things positive and happy, right? Sneak-a-peek the day before school was pleasant. She seemed really nice, organized, and already had nice things to say about Scott.

A week later... was BACK TO SCHOOL NIGHT!

Parents funneled into the classroom, dreading having to squeeze into those little chairs. There's always those stragglers... whose kids also seem to be tardy for class on a regular basis. Whats that saying about the acorn? LOL Most of the kids have been together on "Blue Track" since Kindergarten so we all know each other pretty well. There's the normal gossip/small talk going on. We sign in and are told to find our child's desk and have a seat. Promptly at 6:30 Mrs. L begins with "There are instructions for you on the board". Immediately I think... "she's testing me to see how well I follow instructions" so I read through them and start to leave Scott a note on a purple sheet that the instructions said I would find on his desk. I'm thinking to myself... "Are other parents writing more loving notes than me? More supportive or encouraging words? Will Mrs. L be reviewing our notes?". GET A GRIP I tell myself (as I strain to see what others are writing!)

We dive into a Back-to-School packet that feels comparable to a Webster Dictionary! "How did she get a staple through this damn thing?", I'm wondering to myself! I'm scared!

* Forth Grade Criteria is covered. Pretty basic.
* The daily scheduled is outlined... so far so good.
* She goes over all the ways to contact her... phone, email, via the kid's planner (huh? planner?)
* Next are the classroom expectations. We're cool here. Scott really is a good kid.
* Sample pages of the planner (we have to buy in the office) are in our packet. Each subject has a place for the kids to jot down what was done that day, and any homework. There is a detailed LEGEND of codes the teacher uses to communicate with parents via the journal. We have to sign the bottom EVERY day. If you lose that legend, you're pretty much screwed!

[HERE'S WHERE IT STARTS TO GET TRICKY]

* Reward & Consequence System. There are no less than SIX systems in place for individual, team and class behavior with some running 1 week, 2 weeks and a month! ARE YOU KIDDING ME RIGHT NOW? I look around and tired mom's and dad's who probably just got off a 2 hour commute home from work, are starting to look panicked.

1. If they are "caught" doing something GOOD, they receive an Award Ticket. On Fridays she draws from all Award Tickets and the winner receives a drink from her frig for lunch.


2. If they are caught doing something BAD, they get a Card pulled. Number of remaining cards = coupons which can be used for a pass if their planner is forgotten, bathroom pass etc.


3. Kids who turn in all their homework and have their planner signed EVERY day for 2 weeks do a "fun activity". Those who miss a homework or planner, go to study hall instead. (Guess it's study hall for Scott... he's already forgot his planner once!)


4. Kids can earn Points when working as a team. The team with the most points in a week receive a "special reward".


5. As a class they can earn minutes for PAT Time (Preferred Activity Time). They start with 10 minutes and can lose or earn time.


6. The last one is NO ACTIVITIES LIST! Chelsea had that at Jr. High... these kids are 9! This one takes a series of incidents but the kids would lose out on all the good stuff... computers, music, parties, assemblies etc.

BRUTAL! Tell me, how does she have time to TEACH when all this is being kept track of for 27 kids??

[MY HEAD IS SPINNING]

* Next we go over the homework. I KNEW this was going to put me over the edge. "Did anyone bring a beer to class?"

1. Reading; 30 mins. X 4 days a week with the date, book title, time read and parent's signature required. Journal is due on Thursdays. (Note: Journal is different than the planner)


2. Writing; 2-4 times a week (evidently it's a surprise which days!), responding to specific prompts as found in the homework journal. Once again... HUH? The date, topic, time spent writing and parent's signature is required (for every writing assignment). Journal is due on Thursdays.


3. Spelling, Vocabulary, Grammar & Language; 2-4 nights a week (again, a surprise which nights). Work is due the next day.


4. Math: A) Practice Book; 2-4 days week, due next day. B) Spiral Review; frequency and due dates vary. C) Problem Solving; Word problems sent home on Mondays, due on Fridays.


5. Monthly "At home" Projects; Assigned the beginning of the month, due the end.

I don't think my Outlook Calendar PLUS my cell phone scheduler PLUS my frig calendar could keep track of all those due-dates. She might as well throw in there "this is due every other Tuesday, but only if Mars is aligned with Jupiter and it's an even number day"!

[I SWEAR there were parents on the verge of crying, myself included, and she wasn't finished yet!]

* She firmly reminds those who haven't' turned in the new-year emergency paperwork to do so. (Thank God mine was in!)
* She continues on about needing volunteers to help in the classroom (no shit!). I have helped in Scott's class going back to Kindergarten off and on depending on my schedule, but I'm already thinkin' that I best get my ass in there regularly so I know what the hell is going on!

Almost every topic in the packet had a page where I and sometimes Scott, had to sign off (might as well have been in blood!) that we had completely read and understood the content.

I'm completely overwhelmed but remarkably, Scott seems to have the overall system under control. THANK GOODNESS SOMEONE DOES!

Family Meeting, continued...

We turned off the TV which gave an immediate sense of seriousness! [Dun-Dun-Dun] I handed the kids a cover page/agenda that addressed all the topics for the meeting. Also in their packet was my newly delegated chore lists, a calendar with "cleaning events" for July noted and a place to mark-off exercise, and finally a pencil for notes! They looked at each other like I was crazy! (I thought about doing it in a Slide Show Presentation... maybe next meeting!)

First topic: HOUSECLEANING. I started off slowly, explaining that our pal Elvia was no longer coming every other Tuesday to clean the house. You would have thought I was telling them that we were being evicted! A concerned "BUT WHY MOM? What are we going to do NOW?". I simply said that it was time WE took care of the house. It went over pretty well. I pointed out what chores had been added to their existing to-do lists. I reflected back on how great it felt to work together to get the garage cleaned out. And I couldn't leave that topic without a stroll down my childhood "chore-lane" and all the responsibilities I had. It was frightening how much I was sounding like my Dad! I had to keep it short before they tuned me out! The biggest challenge here will be not expecting perfection from them. I know the job I would do and I know what Elvia did... I just want their best effort... no half-assed work!

Next topic: OUR HEALTH. Making smarter food choices went over so-so. I will have to show them that healthier choices doesn't mean living on carrots and rice cakes. I have to show MYSELF for that matter. I need some good, quick recipes for meals (that don't have a ton of exotic ingredients) that my kids will eat. That is my next mission. As for the exercise, we went around the room (the 3 of us! LOL) making suggestions for ways we can get moving. We have a pool for heaven's sake! That's #1 right now while the weather is so nice. We have a basketball net out front. We all have bikes. There's a park up the street. And we can't forget the newly rediscovered treadmill. There has actually been a few times where a line formed waiting for it! We just need to keep the momentum going! I'm working up a reward program for daily exercise. (What comes to mind is a meal out... STOP THAT BETH!)

Finally we talked about PERSONAL VALUES. We covered a lot... being honest and the consequences of lying. We talked about focusing on things we have and being grateful for them vs. complaining about what you think you need because your friend has it (mainly for Scott). We talked about how lucky we are to have such a strong network of family and friends and how to be a good friend. We had a pep-talk about them being super-successful in the upcoming school year (Scott actually started back to school last week!) by staying organized, getting homework out of the way as soon as they get home (and not whining about it) and doing your best work every day. Lastly we talked about their Dad's expectations for them and if the kind of person they are is someone he would be proud of (I know he would!).

Overall, I was pleased with the input from them... their ideas and suggestions. I think that was big... getting them involved... make them an important part of the changes, decisions and goals for our family. That's not to say that a few things were forgotten as soon as "Fairly Oddparents" was turned back on but I know some sunk in. We agreed to have a family meeting on a regular basis. (And no gavel or hammer was necessary!)

Will the Mallory family meeting PLEASE come to order?

I really could use a gavel... or maybe a sledge hammer! Just kidding [sort of].

I fired our maid today! I know... I know... why did we have one in the first place, right? She started about 3 years ago when my husband Rich was put into hospice. I am not a neat freak or anything, but I got so depressed when it felt like my house was falling apart, on top of everything else. I was working outside the house, running the online biz from home, taking care of the kids and my #1 job, of course, was support person for Rich. Housecleaning came in around 12th place. After Rich passed away (2 yrs ago) she (Elvia) felt like a member of the family... a member of the family who came to visit every couple weeks and just happened to dust and vacuum while she was here. Needless to say, topic #1 at the family meeting is the assignment of chores (or as I am calling them, "Family Member Responsibilities"). It's still NOTHING compared to my chores when I was a kid, but my kids have had more than their share of challenges to deal with in their short lives so it seemed OK to let them slide on a few things... for a while. Now... it's back to the real world. I want responsible, self-sufficient kids that will hopefully grow up to be responsible, self-sufficient adults (who will take care of their loving mother in her old age! Ha!).

Next topic for the meeting... our Health. I will probably get the most resistance on this one. I'm encouraging healthier food choices (notice I did NOT say diet!) and daily exercise. No biggie, right? So why the hell can't I do it? The three of us worked all weekend to clean out the garage. It's not perfect but it's A WHOLE LOT better. Our #1 goal was to dig out the treadmill which was buried between unused furniture, Rubbermaid after Rubbermaid of Chelsea's must-keep stuffed animals, fold-up tables, the box spring for Scott's bed (he has a bunk bed now), big bags of packing peanuts and bubble wrap, boxes full of old software boxes (and I mean REALLY old) and other treasures we discovered along the way. "EUREKA! I can see the treadmill... due-west of the bright orange toboggan!". I can proudly say that the treadmill is now set up in my room (Envision me and Chels dragging it down the hall on a dolly... It wasn't pretty!)! It has a fan aimed to blow on whoever is walking and the TV is dead-ahead. No excuses right? I realize that this will be my biggest challenge personally and I will also have a lot riding on me because of the kids. I don't want to fail. I don't want them to see me or themselves as failures. We will start off slowly with realistic goals and hope that over time we can make some serious changes in our lives. Wish us luck OK?

Also on the list for the meeting is Behavior, Integrity and Gratitude. I know... it sounds like an Oprah show, but this isn't really anything new for them. I'm always taking about this stuff but I think most of the time they hear "WA WAAA WA WAA WAA WAAA" (you know, like the teacher on the Charlie Brown shows?). I just want to reiterate the importance of doing their very best work at school every single day, treating each other like the loving family that we are (ie: not killing each other) and to count their blessings always. I've always tried to instill a "make each day count" attitude. Even I need a reminder of that sometimes. Positive behavior and thoughts attract positive energy and out-comes. Have you seen The Secret? (LOL)

I'm trying to cut corners and be more financially responsible (do you know what braces and car insurance for a teen costs?)... I'm trying to be more self-sufficient and not feel like I need man to complete me and my life (although I remain open to the possibility of finding one)... I'm just trying to set a good example for my kids.

Really... we just need a good old reconnecting and a discussion on what’s most important in our lives. Time goes by SO quickly. I never completely got the "gist" of that phrase until I had kids. I have a daughter with only 3 years of high school left. In a couple years my "baby" will be going into Jr. High. It feels like a runaway train sometimes. I don't want it to pass me by without feeling like I've done everything I can to help my kids with a few life-skills, ya know?

OK... I think I'm ready for the meeting. I have my hand-outs and calendars ready for distribution. Now where's that sledge hammer?

To be continued...