15 lbs!

"My name is Beth... and I am a Gastric Bypass drop-out"

"HELLO BETH"

That's not exactly how it went but I was a little fearful of going to the "re-activation" class at Kaiser last week.

There were about 8 of us there... all drop-outs. Not everyone confessed their reason(s) for not staying with the program initially, but it didn't really matter... we were back! (My excuse/reason was a romance-gone-wrong but I won't bore you with the gory details.)

I was anticipating some serious finger-shaking but there was none of that. The nutritionist was quite friendly and encouraging. She reiterated the same stuff covered back at the first orientation I attended (back in July of 2006... head hanging in shame!) and some new facts. The most surprising information was that you were hospitalized for just 24 hours, vs. 4 days like they had stated in 2006. Wow... big diff! They even said that many people go back to work "the next day". YIKES!! I mean, I had planned on getting back to things pretty quick since I don't have any disability insurance (because I'm self employed) but next day? Really? I will take that to mean they really have this down to a science... in and out via a couple holes in my stomach.

I was really happy to discover that I had not gained back any of the initial weight I had lost... YEA-ME! I have 15 more lbs. to lose before I get my surgery scheduled. I can do that right?

I am starting their recommended 1,200 calorie/day diet tomorrow. My goal is to have the 15 lbs. off by the end of February. In theory, I could have my surgery in late March/early April. Pretty exciting huh? Check back for updates. I promise to be better about keeping this secret blog current!

Say a Prayer for my Mom

My mom with the 4 of us kids!

My Mom goes back for more surgery this coming week. It’s been 6 years since she was originally diagnosed with tongue cancer but a recent biopsy showed new cancer cells. She's been through BRUTAL radiation once before so even if she wanted it again, it's not an option. They're going to remove the cells (more tongue and part of the bottom of her mouth way in the back)... and a big margin (the margin last time was not enough they said), then they'll also take out her lymph nodes on that side (they call it a neck dissection). She had a PET scan a week ago to see if cells showed up anywhere else but her doc in was out of town this past week so we don't know the results. Removing the lymph nodes, even if no cells are there, is a preventative. It's a gateway to the body, especially from her mouth.

She's scared... hell, we all are. Surgery will be 6 hrs, maybe longer. They will be biopsying areas around it as they go, to check for other possible cells. My sis Barb from Oregon comes in on Wed. I pick her up from the Sacramento airport after Mom's pre-op appt. Surgery is Thursday.

This situation is compounded by the fact that she JUST lost her sister to cancer. My mom spent a month with her (in IL) helping her through some radiation but my aunt’s cancer was more advanced and had spread quickly. Hers started as ovarian cancer 2 yrs ago. It had gone to her brain, spinal cord, stomach, colon, and lungs within the last month of her life. My mom was glad to have had that time with her but it was supposed to have been just to help her get to/from appts. She didn't realize it was to say good bye. All along I was so worried about what toll it was taking on my mom. She had to be there for her sis, that wasn't up for discussion, but we were all worried.

We'd sure appreciate prayers for my Mom, Susan!
Thanks!
Beth

Family Meeting, continued...

We turned off the TV which gave an immediate sense of seriousness! [Dun-Dun-Dun] I handed the kids a cover page/agenda that addressed all the topics for the meeting. Also in their packet was my newly delegated chore lists, a calendar with "cleaning events" for July noted and a place to mark-off exercise, and finally a pencil for notes! They looked at each other like I was crazy! (I thought about doing it in a Slide Show Presentation... maybe next meeting!)

First topic: HOUSECLEANING. I started off slowly, explaining that our pal Elvia was no longer coming every other Tuesday to clean the house. You would have thought I was telling them that we were being evicted! A concerned "BUT WHY MOM? What are we going to do NOW?". I simply said that it was time WE took care of the house. It went over pretty well. I pointed out what chores had been added to their existing to-do lists. I reflected back on how great it felt to work together to get the garage cleaned out. And I couldn't leave that topic without a stroll down my childhood "chore-lane" and all the responsibilities I had. It was frightening how much I was sounding like my Dad! I had to keep it short before they tuned me out! The biggest challenge here will be not expecting perfection from them. I know the job I would do and I know what Elvia did... I just want their best effort... no half-assed work!

Next topic: OUR HEALTH. Making smarter food choices went over so-so. I will have to show them that healthier choices doesn't mean living on carrots and rice cakes. I have to show MYSELF for that matter. I need some good, quick recipes for meals (that don't have a ton of exotic ingredients) that my kids will eat. That is my next mission. As for the exercise, we went around the room (the 3 of us! LOL) making suggestions for ways we can get moving. We have a pool for heaven's sake! That's #1 right now while the weather is so nice. We have a basketball net out front. We all have bikes. There's a park up the street. And we can't forget the newly rediscovered treadmill. There has actually been a few times where a line formed waiting for it! We just need to keep the momentum going! I'm working up a reward program for daily exercise. (What comes to mind is a meal out... STOP THAT BETH!)

Finally we talked about PERSONAL VALUES. We covered a lot... being honest and the consequences of lying. We talked about focusing on things we have and being grateful for them vs. complaining about what you think you need because your friend has it (mainly for Scott). We talked about how lucky we are to have such a strong network of family and friends and how to be a good friend. We had a pep-talk about them being super-successful in the upcoming school year (Scott actually started back to school last week!) by staying organized, getting homework out of the way as soon as they get home (and not whining about it) and doing your best work every day. Lastly we talked about their Dad's expectations for them and if the kind of person they are is someone he would be proud of (I know he would!).

Overall, I was pleased with the input from them... their ideas and suggestions. I think that was big... getting them involved... make them an important part of the changes, decisions and goals for our family. That's not to say that a few things were forgotten as soon as "Fairly Oddparents" was turned back on but I know some sunk in. We agreed to have a family meeting on a regular basis. (And no gavel or hammer was necessary!)

Will the Mallory family meeting PLEASE come to order?

I really could use a gavel... or maybe a sledge hammer! Just kidding [sort of].

I fired our maid today! I know... I know... why did we have one in the first place, right? She started about 3 years ago when my husband Rich was put into hospice. I am not a neat freak or anything, but I got so depressed when it felt like my house was falling apart, on top of everything else. I was working outside the house, running the online biz from home, taking care of the kids and my #1 job, of course, was support person for Rich. Housecleaning came in around 12th place. After Rich passed away (2 yrs ago) she (Elvia) felt like a member of the family... a member of the family who came to visit every couple weeks and just happened to dust and vacuum while she was here. Needless to say, topic #1 at the family meeting is the assignment of chores (or as I am calling them, "Family Member Responsibilities"). It's still NOTHING compared to my chores when I was a kid, but my kids have had more than their share of challenges to deal with in their short lives so it seemed OK to let them slide on a few things... for a while. Now... it's back to the real world. I want responsible, self-sufficient kids that will hopefully grow up to be responsible, self-sufficient adults (who will take care of their loving mother in her old age! Ha!).

Next topic for the meeting... our Health. I will probably get the most resistance on this one. I'm encouraging healthier food choices (notice I did NOT say diet!) and daily exercise. No biggie, right? So why the hell can't I do it? The three of us worked all weekend to clean out the garage. It's not perfect but it's A WHOLE LOT better. Our #1 goal was to dig out the treadmill which was buried between unused furniture, Rubbermaid after Rubbermaid of Chelsea's must-keep stuffed animals, fold-up tables, the box spring for Scott's bed (he has a bunk bed now), big bags of packing peanuts and bubble wrap, boxes full of old software boxes (and I mean REALLY old) and other treasures we discovered along the way. "EUREKA! I can see the treadmill... due-west of the bright orange toboggan!". I can proudly say that the treadmill is now set up in my room (Envision me and Chels dragging it down the hall on a dolly... It wasn't pretty!)! It has a fan aimed to blow on whoever is walking and the TV is dead-ahead. No excuses right? I realize that this will be my biggest challenge personally and I will also have a lot riding on me because of the kids. I don't want to fail. I don't want them to see me or themselves as failures. We will start off slowly with realistic goals and hope that over time we can make some serious changes in our lives. Wish us luck OK?

Also on the list for the meeting is Behavior, Integrity and Gratitude. I know... it sounds like an Oprah show, but this isn't really anything new for them. I'm always taking about this stuff but I think most of the time they hear "WA WAAA WA WAA WAA WAAA" (you know, like the teacher on the Charlie Brown shows?). I just want to reiterate the importance of doing their very best work at school every single day, treating each other like the loving family that we are (ie: not killing each other) and to count their blessings always. I've always tried to instill a "make each day count" attitude. Even I need a reminder of that sometimes. Positive behavior and thoughts attract positive energy and out-comes. Have you seen The Secret? (LOL)

I'm trying to cut corners and be more financially responsible (do you know what braces and car insurance for a teen costs?)... I'm trying to be more self-sufficient and not feel like I need man to complete me and my life (although I remain open to the possibility of finding one)... I'm just trying to set a good example for my kids.

Really... we just need a good old reconnecting and a discussion on what’s most important in our lives. Time goes by SO quickly. I never completely got the "gist" of that phrase until I had kids. I have a daughter with only 3 years of high school left. In a couple years my "baby" will be going into Jr. High. It feels like a runaway train sometimes. I don't want it to pass me by without feeling like I've done everything I can to help my kids with a few life-skills, ya know?

OK... I think I'm ready for the meeting. I have my hand-outs and calendars ready for distribution. Now where's that sledge hammer?

To be continued...